i can barely remember the last time i fell down..
but today i had a fall which almost killed me..
in my own house!! wth!
stupid man! i feel really stupid..
anyway i fell on my upper back and also hit my head omg.. the impact made me choke on my own words i cant even talk or breathe.. i thought i was going to die or what..
horrible feeling.. anyway i think cfm got internal injury cos when i breathe deeply abit uncomfortable inside.. gosh! ahh i feel so stupid!! wth..
Bathed and on my bed now.. Sighs.. Suddenly I feel so horrible that all happiness seem to die with it.. Real mixed feelings and thoughts..
Wish someone close can smack me out of this now..
I'm dead tired.. Have I ever consider that maybe all along i'm not happy and wat exactly am I looking for.. That specific particular thing in life.. Everyone can give a answer easily and claim that is what he or she wants.. But how true and accurate is that? U'll only know as times goes by..
I'm not feeling that good internally recently.. I wish I can pinpoint what exactly is wrong so I can remedy.. But I can't...
No one can help if I myself don't even know how to help and fix this problem..
aint feeling that great now.. maybe im too tired! tend to get irritated easily..
alot of things happened since i last blogged.. seriously im very shocked myself.. i start to wonder..
omg man i feel scared..
anyway i had a great birthday.. thanks to everyone.. its really memorable and heart warming..
and i puked for the first time! omgg horrible feeling.. cant get that image away from my brain..
thanks everyone who cared and really took me as a friend..
*loves*
mhm~ feeling rather fatigue last few days.. mood wasnt really great too.. seem to get irritated easily when things doesnt go the way i wanted it to.. or last min 'surprises' .. i can just doze off suddenly.. unable to concentrate.. wake up in the morning feeling like i never slept.. and dreaming immediately onces i fall back to sleep.. horrible.. are these symptoms of stress and anxiety?
sorry wen~ think lately u also feel quite down due to all the stress also having to clear the accounts for the products.. but yet i didnt joke as much as i did last time.. i know u tried to cheer me up everytime during our deliveries.. totally appreciate it..
but hey that night really very kuku lor those pple.. so irritating.. we park there also cannot.. piff~ just wanted a place to chill after deliveries also so hard.. dots..
maybe cos also not really feeling well lately.. keep falling sick easily.. like flu and cough.. and kinda chest tight.. i was wondering isit due to the flu or wat.. hope nothing serious..
thats all for nw..
will update again
holy cow.. last night dance too vigorously le.. goodness now arm aches.. cant even bend.. hahaha! wonder isit that or i slept in a bad posture.. i fell asleep without offing my light.. wanted to cook noodles actually but i fell asleep.. =/
so tiring...
a summary of the day..
woke up at around 9:30am.. then continue to look at the acct assignment.. rush until 11am then faster get changed and go sch to submit the assignment.. due by 12pm.. lol :3..
it was raining like crap today.. slow traffic and then there was actually a long que to enter SIM.. wth the lane stuck until near maju camp.. i had to enter SIM from NP's gate.. dots..
ran in the rain over to SIM and well lucky manage to submit the assignment on the dot.. hais..
thanks to bestie, hwee, jasmine and sandy for helping me on the assignment.. :)
i feel so stoned after submitting the assignment.. well everyone was eating so i had my first meal of the day by ordering my favourite chicken rice.. after that we went to find revision room to work on our OB group project.. end up at LT2.12..
well then we work all the way till 5pm+.. manage to get some slight progress.. but well still abit far from completing.. hais..
after that gave them a lift, and i went back home to get changed for my canoeing land training.. didnt even had time to eat dinner...
the training today almost killed me.. omg shagged the shit out of me.. i was like feeling totally nua diao all over from my arms to my toe.. like going to become a slug if i push myself anymore furthur..
it was around 9:30pm already by the time the training cuts.. drove down to Admiralty MRT to collect some new hamsters.. got home and checked on my hammies.. top up their water and fed them.. and now im sitting here resting..
wat a day..
totally depleted..!
tmr got accounting feed back test on the last 2 chapter also.. gosh and i haven get to revise on it.. and class is at 8:30am tmr.. and after that another round of OB group meeting haha!..
nvm! i can do it :) pushhhh it!! dont tell urself u're at ur limit!
hungry.. really wondering if i shd just sleep or cook noodles =(..
bahh.. thats all for now.. byeees!
jiayou everyone!
oh ya btw grats wen on getting ur iphone 4 and officially operating it :) happy playing with it k hahaa..!
well today woke up with a sad news of my most favourite syrian going missing!
dont know how he manage to crawl out of it's cage..
sighs! sad..
hwee maybe ur words will come true this time :(
i hope he will find a happier place to be.. and not get eaten up by the cats opposite my house nor my own dog... :(
things hasnt been going that smoothly the past few days..
but im feeling better already thanks to everyone for your concern and advise..
never felt this kinda warmth for a long time..
Thanks wen, bestie, shirlyn, jasmine, hwee..!
Thanks kangwei for drinking with me during joanne birthday.. im guessing u are aware of wat happened..
for those whom i just knew.. im blessed to know you all.. if only i knew u all since childhood uh lol..
为了你们我会加油！一定要变得更坚强。。
Wa sibei dulan! My mum wake me up say my dad drove my sis car out and stuck in the cashcard carpark because the card left 0.19cent. And I call over nicely to ask him check the other compartment cause I remember inside got another cash card then he fcking scold me and say if I'm there he will slap me. Wah knn fucking boil!!! Ccb!! I didn't even use that card as I always insert my own cash card when I drive the car.. My sister always use the car until no petrol and now even use up the cash card.. And when I take over I ALWAYS need to top up full for her.. Now ccb my dad still blame me say I use up the cash card when I didn't even touch it!! Knnccb think wat! I must go make sure everything is perfect when it's not even my own car!? It's not even my fault lor! U all bring me up with this type of mindset to worry about so many things.. To make sure I don't fuck up so I won't get a shit beating or yelling when I was a kid.. Till now I'm still carrying it.. It's fucking tiring to not be able to live for myself already.. Not like I didn't bothered abt the car.. I already very nice to help wash it when I'm free and maintaining the car le when I only get to use it when my sis isn't around.. now still come fuck me up over this.. I'm like getting 100% of this blame now.. WTF did I do lor!!! Omg I'm so fucking boiling!!!!!!!!! )3&/!@/@;$3!&/&@:)?7//1
fucking dulan..! Now he's back and yelling around.. I'm so pissed until I don't know how should I react to go down and face him.. Fucking hell!! Ccb lor not the first time! Everytime
y sis screw something up she just nice won't be home and I WILL be home! and I eat up all these SHIT! Really ruined my fucking day! Thought I can have some good rest till noon since tonight got to go comex and attend my friend birthday at dxo.. I feel like I lost all the mood now.. Thanks man! For such a nice wake up call! Tmd!!
Hate this shit!!!! If I have to hate my life I would had hated it for countless times already!!! Screw this!!
Omg I'm fucking mad!!!
Fuck !! Stop blaming shit on me!! Ccb.. :8:$-$:&/?:&:&,&
How much do u all know about me!!! Nothing! And neither do I know about u all! This is how fucking empty this home is!! All u all do is give birth to me and wan me to live up to ur expectations! Providing me food and basic needs.. I'm no different from a pet! I feel no love and concern from u all at all since young..
This is really like a hotel!
I wish I can vend out all these build up emotions..
I'm sick and tired of my life at point like this.....
Mum u only care about house cleanliness! And u just yell at us we mess up our place due to personal reason.. It's not even a fact that we don't want to keep our place clean.. But u nv bothered to find out wat is the cause.. Even when we are upset..
Dad u only bother providing a good life for us.. Does living under shelter and having food means alot? It's nothing without family warmth and concerns.. Even so u bring back money from work but we can't even buy wat I want.. I will always remember how bad I had to plead and end up crying over a hp replacement for my spoiled hp.. That was when I was in poly.. I give up asking for things in life because I had to beg to get it.. Even buying new clothes also cannot..
You know how sad it is to feel when u are sad and the person living under the same roof next to u doesn't even know or u can't even feel comfortable to share with them when they are actually the closes one to us.. How we have to cry alone in our room..
I hate being alone.. No one will understand the kind of shit I had.. People just judge from the outside..
Enough of my rants.. Sometimes I feel sad that blogging became the only way which I can express my inner feelings.. I envy those who can release it to their close friends or having friends who will know how to comfort u and not backstabbing in return giving comments like we are attention seeking or emo or watever rubbish they can come up with! Just because they don't feel wat we feel!
Arhhh!!! K enough I don't want to make this blog the same as my previous one.. Full of rants and sadness..
Bye.. I'll try to smile
was talking to zn on msn.. hais.. reminds me of my module.. Organization Behaviour..
but our discussion was more about daily life events.. its really tiring and sickening to know how fake people can be.. and how realistic they can be..
i really hate those rich people who look down on people! when those money they spending aren't even earned by them! hais..
especially friends whom are trying to be close to u just because you're of certain "values" to them.. omg lor! don't you find its sickening? or is this normal?.. is there still anymore people whom are true and real out there?
sighs..
saddening..
sometimes don't you wonder what is your best friend or closest ones actually thinking? human can really be the most terrifying beings and not ghost..
anyway my perception towards friendship and relationship had changed through many bad experiences..
all i can say is.. i've had my fair share of pain, misery and lonely nights with tears in my eyes since dont know when..
if i can have the power to remove one of the feeling we've have to experience in life.. that would be heartache.. but is it also true that without heartache and pain we will never learn and grow? what a sick way for us to learn.. why cant it be the other way round that we learn when we are happy?..
some fact and logic are really senseless.. there seem to be no proper explanation and reasoning behind them..
trust and hope has been replace by fear and uncertainties.. to be safe i'll just treat the person the way he/she treats me.. i would not want to respect a person who doesn't even respect me..
though in life theres many times we have to to suck up to people like your superiors and bosses just to secure your rice bowl or have a better life.. i hope i wont have to be stuck in that kind of working environment.. yes its life! but fck i hate being fake and sucking up to people.. wat kind of shit behaviour is this seriously..
alright enough of emo crap..
have to sleep ler.. tmr still has to chiong stats revision..
goodnight <3
