A person can't be without goals.. But with goals comes heavy commitments and promises to oneself or another.. It's really sad and demoralizing when we can't achieve our goals or break certain expectations and promises.. Not because the goal and expectations were over demanding or too unrealistic.. But becos of some reason such as being lazy or over comfort.. I'm very disappointed myself at how screwed up everything currently is already.. I'm really eager to get things done before school term again.. But when despite me keep nagging about our tasks.. When was the last time u urself come and drag me into a serious conversation about what needs to be settled today and done? Why isit I feel that I'm so stressed out and yet I couldn't find someone who agrees or understands anymore? Where's the sense of urgency, dreams and goals which we both onces so determined on??the drive to keep rushing on work without feeling or saying tired even at 3am? Why isit that now everything became so off tracked.. On the surface it looked like we still have alot of time but think back and ask what exactly have we been doing or achieved.. Please don't tell me u're contented with what's going on recently.. I've been looking forward to a proper serious discussion with u.. But when did u even voice out urself that u want to discuss a plan with me or want to get something done.. New ideas or whatever?? Are u contented with the current system? If not please show me that u still care about it and not waiting for me to say it.. I'm really in a state of panic looking at how things are done and yes I'm really demoralized since my exams.. A part of me is blaming myself and asking what have I achieve and if it's worth it for me to chose this over studies.. I made a choice and I'm not blaming anyone.. But I really wish it hasn't been done in vain.. Everytime I step into my school now it just reminds me on what I've given up.. I practically gave up everything and placed all my hopes on this.. Tell me I'm stupid huh.. Cause I'm starting to feel that way.. Like I'm an idiot!! And it sucks to feel that way!! Think back and understand what I mean.. U wasn't like this before.. I was able to feel ur determination before.. But why now I feel like im all alone... I can't move on until I get these done.. Else I keep feeling troubled and stuck in it! And it's torturing me!
