i can have all the troubles but well the next day.. if i've to meet someone i'll still have to put up a strong front like im fine...
this is really tiring... haha.. i really wish i can laugh at myself.. at this point now i really feel lost.. yet again....
its really true that goals help us to move on in life.. but when we failed to catch a bus.. we suddenly realize what happened around us.. or what we've done wrong?.. it felt like u've flew up to a certain height and u just suddenly lost track and fell straight down..
im caught up in my own world now.. something which i hated.....
my heart felt like it's overloaded with emotions...
im unable to express what im feeling right now......
i wish someone can help me out of it.. instead of forcing me out of it...
but every time i fall... its the same... maybe its just because i don't know how to express? but when u express people say you're demanding isn't it?...
oh well..
the truth is.. i've been finding this solution for years.... the key to getting me out of this misery.. yes there always improvements but why is it that i always fall back to square 1? is it really that hard for me to experience pure happiness? or is it that things around me just always fail and disappoint me? causing me to lose faith over and over again.. its just like a endless cycle..
if life does have ups and downs.. i really wish to see some ups soon.....
im tired.. really.. im loosing it.....
where's the break as promised... am i having holidays now?... things are just always not as expected.... worst is despite all the endless worries, work and effort.. whats being paid off at the end? wheres the results? i just screwed it up big time.. i really dug my own grave...
as much as it doesn't seem to be affecting me.. it is causing lots of havoc mentally.. im doubting my abilities, reason and my worth being alive...
sorry for writing all these rubbish as much as i've said countless times before to never blog such things again.. but i really... cant take it.. and i don't really have much people whom i can share it with without them throwing facts at me... or worst.. saying that i affect their mood? and not to mention about those who just wont be bothered about my inner feelings..
just ignore whatever i've written.. tmr will just be another day.. and i'll not bitch it out like an daily affair..
we all know that in life we can bitch a million billion zillion times.. but at the end of the day we know its just going to be ourselves and the realistic world out there.. the facts.. we'll just have to continue walking down the road as there's no turning back nor would time stop or rewind for us...
