today is the day when i finally realize that the dream I've been chasing after is just so one sided.. theres so much more which i've realized within the past few weeks.. but to remedy.. it would need to take quite awhile..
im just too stupid and naive to believe in you.. have faith that we can work this out as long as we share the same goal, passion and dream... but wat exactly is it now huh?.. i cant figure out anymore.. whatever ideas and methods im trying to accomplish now seem to one sided... in order to see clearer at what u've been doing.. i'll stop all my ways of doing things from today onwards..
i'll just do whats required of me.. i really felt so stupid now.. really.. after all i've done.. turn around u still blames me huh.. and think that those were the things im suppose to do on my own? those words shatters me beyond anything.. you know... u've said these sort of things quite afew times recently but today.. its going to be the LAST.. my mind has decide to stop all my ways of doing things since u doesnt recognize them as being 'required'.. its seem like i was finding trouble for myself and as if i didnt spare a thought about ur side.. thats what u made it sound like.. so fine.. from now on u call the shot and make ur own decisions and ideas.. i'll just do the things required of me..
im feeling really frustrated.. super!.. and arguing with you also doesn't make me any better.. it just made me worst when u still turn around and expect my apology when it wasn't even my fault to begin with... come on despite my emotional burden lately i still did my part didn't i? have i once failed to do the basic? stop saying about multi tasking u know i cant do that.. and which is the reason why i keep trying to get things done so i can move on to the next..
if i've been such a useless person then u can jolly enlighten me on it.. or is it becos i commit too much and u're just sick of it? u think i enjoy working round the clock? having my mind all stuck about work?? u're not the only one who requires a break! but why u must always wait till i push u then u'll react?? where is the determined u when i met u?
since we're always not on the same track nowadays i also wont want to give myself additional shit.. i wont be saying anymore of these anymore.. or brainstorm anymore ways to aid us.. yes im being stupid as doing so i affect myself also but im tired of having all these unhappiness.. so are u..
so then since what i've been doing is bringing so much arguments then i'll stop.. u wan to go slow then so be it.. u have more time then me indeed.. but im more worried about my financial future then u are..
have u ever thought that u were wrong? tell me what am i wrong about seriously.. doing too much?? nagging u too much??
u really hit me down this time..
thanks for proving that im just another idiot.. and enjoy ur night out.. after sch start please dont come and burden me anymore.. and if u want to go slow then please lets not do the push cart also cause i also find it pointless to commit to it.. and i dont want u to use it as another topic for u to come argue with me in future.. saying that u did a lot also..
I've wasted enough of my efforts.. next sem i have to spent a lot of time on my sch life u know it.. dont wait till i start school then come ask me do this and that.. and dont give me that shit feeling when i tell u i have to stay in school or unable to go with u.. when u didn't even care to make full use of time during this period of my 'holiday'....
i'll resume my normal life from now on.. though now i feel kinda lost and places may not accept my presence anymore.. on the other hand u can be who u already are..
and pls.. u wait till we've a big thrash out then u show me ur eagerness to do things by showing initiatives.. does that change anything at that second?? do u expect that i can just hop out of my frustration and say oh good job its ok now?
i seriously need to know what I've done wrong in my line of job, if u want to find fault with me.. and please no more of those rubbish which u tell me last time and come tell me afterwards that its all words said out of anger... if u want to point out my mistakes then make sure they are really things which i didn't do and guilty for!
please.. and just an example.. since the last time we had an argument till today i am still waiting for you to sit down with me go through some work and set our time line and goals etc.. but where???? even when i take out product catalog to want to discuss with you when was the last time u shown interest in it saying 'ooh we should take this product' 'ooh this is nice' 'ooh i think this will be a hot seller'...
WHEN!@~#~@#!@~!!!!!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK! FOR U TO SHOW SOME INTEREST WHEN I NEED THEM!? SO WHAT IF U MAY HAVE SEEN THROUGH THE CATALOG A MILLION TIMES BEFORE?!@ IT WASNT WITH ME RIGHT! HONESTLY THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE SIT DOWN AND DISCUSS ABOUT PLANS AND JOLLY WELL ANY STUFF ABOUT OUR DREAMS! HOW MANY TIMES DID IT HAPPENED??!
all we do is take order and deliver.. we didn't even sit down and seriously discuss about how to solve the current issues.. brainstorm and such.. until now so many things has been delayed and dragged on... u shd know... if u dont then take it that im saying rubbish.. anyway whatever i said is always seem to be rubbish..
anyway its fine now........ so what if i bitch a million times here.. things will still the same... so im giving up.. ur words has already stung me hard enough... i've had enough of them.. i wont talk anymore... if u insist that u're right and stuff i'll just go with them from now on.. and please stop asking for my opinion in that case when you dont even respect or share mine..
