im fucking pissed.. you think everything is always easily settle just with an apology? so what if you say sorry? so what? the root doesn't change at all.. and if you're having so much issues with sales then fine.. from now on i'll take back my part to do.. don't come say until u're the only one having shit and suffering.. and still claims that i always think im the one thats right.. like i said we are both different and totally opposite.. what im going thru u will never understand and so it is for ur case.. i also wont understand like how the fuck u can be pissed off with a customer who just tell u her block number without street address and u come make a big fuss over it!! if she cheated or refuse to pay for the order yes i can understand! but not this scenario! i would not understand why u had to be so bothered about it and then come show me that attitude which u claim u did not! yaya if u didn't i wouldn't be pissed off either!!!
you have ur issues so do i! but currently im facing a biggest crisis compared to u please.. i don't need to share it with the whole world now.. u know it yourself IF u even know and understood!
and please u're doing so much things now becos of our last major argument and no body said u had to do all those! and i also knew u're trying to prove urself.. but well? it doesn't mean that u suddenly do so many things i would have to acknowledge it immediately and say yea yea good job! i know it myself on what u've done and i didn't said im going to just leave you there!
from the start till june i've done alot too! if you want to say about acknowledgement i also like to ask u.. where was mine when i did them? when i was so enthusiastic about everything and you just keep shooting down on whatever i brought up.. yes occasionally you did support but we will NEVER be on the exact same track when we can really say OMG thats a brilliant idea and throws confetti.. you'll always look at the facts and the present while i will always look on the possibilities and future.. this is just how we both are... and be honest theres nothing we can do about it..
you're able to multi task while im not.. and please when i don't take up my sales now doesn't mean i take that time off to go PR with my friends etc.. i'm really still in a resting mode if you can see! i'm still so tired and dreaded over everything ever since my results were out..
If you could ever recall... how full of hope i was before my last exam... so much that i couldn't even study or concentrate.. and you promised me things too that time.... yea.. and after that? everything just shattered like glass.. and me? i basically dropped into the abyss! fucking flung like nuts! did you even bothered about how i feel towards school now? how i really feel when i meet people in school??? you said you TRIED to understand me.. please tell me in anyway u made me feel more confident or more hopeful or solved any issues??
im still trying miserably.. and PS if i don't recognize ur efforts i wouldn't even care to talk to you about business or ideas at all ever since june.. becos i was really determined on fixing back my own life back then.. but look.. today i just missed class and offered to pick u up and start on our 'work' again.. i could had just stay back at home to rest.. there's things which i done and sacrificed which u yourself also didn't notice or even saw.. so please what you said just now really doesn't applies.. if i were to continue to say would it make any difference? it doesn't..
you can always whatsapp or msg around be it with ur friends or customers.. when i use my phone too often.. u ask urself what are u thinking deep in ur heart.. thats exactly what i feel also..
so well now u're starting to panic uh.. i can see that u're anxious now towards the 'goals' which 'we' both set for the end of this year... question is why only now then u react this way? when i was so on the ball where were u?.. u know im not putting on much hopes still.. ever since the last major quarrel i honestly tell u.. a big portion of my dream died as stated in my previous posts... i was even thinking of giving up on being ambitious and just go the pace u like which is to go the usual standard road to success even if it take much longer time....
up to u la.. u always say problems lies with me.. how about u? and please just an apology doesn't change a thing if the mindset is always the same... what i want to see is not just an apology.. it makes no sense if we apologize everyday and then the next event can repeat whatever just happened...
seriously if u're finding it so hard on yourself now.. please stop becos im not pushing u already since June... i think u can already see that i've died down.. so please also don't bring me back to that stage if you're not ready for what i maybe doing to get us there...
there's just too much difference between us in terms of mindset and way of doing things.. i can work without eating but u cant.. when i work i actually hate to be disrupted and asked to go eat.. i guess u also don't know that do u? u always said u want me to eat with u.. that's something i don't understand.. when u hungry then we have to stop everything and attend to your needs first.. else u will be pissed right? that explains why i have my way of doing things too! but when i ask u to eat without me would u ever listen? whatever i said do u even respect also? most of the time i have to go the way u want me to isn't it?? some of your questions just now really make me think like wow aren't i already doing all those already?..
please think about what u said again and try to match it to what you're doing..
and btw we do things for the better of things and not because we want each other's compliments.. if we are just seeking for compliments then we wont be doing things on our own free will already.. and doing such thing will never make us any happier either..
i know what you're doing and btw i'm not just sitting down shaking my leg either.. as much as i don't wish to care anymore i still did my part.. and debating with myself to get out of this hard times of my own in the soonest possible time.. and please not all things need to be mentioned to understand.. to understand someone is not just by seeing and hearing.. and if i didn't tried to understand u i can bet with u we would had quarreled even more.. sometimes i can simply don't care that you wanted and insist on my way.. why would i need to care about you and do certain things sometimes? tell me i didn't tried to understand and give in..
and oh ya i just recalled.. didn't i praise u when u yourself initiated to research on rabbits online on your own despite me spamming endless links on googledocs before for u to read up on? so don't say until i never compliment u at all for what u did after june..
anyway enough said.. pointless anyway.. bye
