went for a run with joggie, haha today she's so guai, no need leash also run side by side with me.. haha! if only every time she can be so guai lol!
had a good sweat.. really shiok.. tml shall do more sports.. i need to shake off 10 freaking KG!! omg.. i gained so much the past few months.. all the stress and endless munching on supper and snacks.. >.<.. after stop canoeing due to work made me even more slack with exercising..
kinda miss sem1 days.. was looking back at my photos in facebook.. so much memories and smiles.. compared to nowadays.. :(.. cant let this go on.. i must get back what i've lost...!
work really made me lifeless and so emo nowadays..
must sweat double the amount tml!
this weekend has been filled with many thoughts.. and its like the first weekend i've actually went out doing my 'own' things..
sat met up with jocelyn and alvin for dinner.. chatted and stuffs.. after that i went to CQ for a drink.. but end up didn't really enjoyed much cos went too late and cant really chill at any place.. end up basically just stoned most of the time and just chatted.. only drank a bottle of beer and a few cocktails at the Clinic.. first time drinking there and actually tried their Syringe 'shots'.. pretty interesting but expensive..
it was raining super heavily and well the taxi stand was flooded.. i actually waited from like 3am? and i eventually got up a cab and got home at near 6am.. first time in my life i waited so long for a cab after drinking..
while waiting kinda seen so much drama and bit and pieces of Singapore's night life.. people getting wasted.. angry people who want to fight.. people that got injured.. even a girl who had asthma attack and some guy was actually helping her but don't know who is that.. is it a passerby or really her friend.. everyone just dint really bothered.. but just watch show.. in the end some nice people actually helped while the guy carried the girl up a cab and went off..
sighs.. the more i see the more i realize that im practically lifeless.. everyone seems to have friends who can hang out really well.. have an enjoyable hang out sessions and endless topics.. showing how close they are.. but i think its hard for me to have a really endless conversation with anyone nowadays... is that how lock up I've became? or im just thinking too much all the time before i say anything..
club music was great.. i really miss those feelings of dancing and getting high on alcohol.. it does make me smile, wear off my any burden even if its just temporary it felt like its worthwhile.. because that just a feeling of high that's indescribable.. But i didn't had any on sat becos i didn't went in to any club as it was so late already..
the crowd nowadays are so young.. seems like they are mostly 18 - 20?.. and im surprised that there seem to have alot of small ahbengs and ahlians there now.. the last time before i stop clubbing it was a hardly seen sight..
i've been having so much thoughts until i feel like its beyond overloaded..
in conclusion.. i realize i don't know what im doing anymore.. seem like back to square one.. and i've to struggle to get things back in place.. but somethings are beyond changing.. i think i still prefer to be alone.. i really hate being fake and hypocrite to attain certain success.. but still its something everyone needs in the real world.. poker face.. am i not numb enough? or im just too dead to care nowadays.. whats exactly making me so heavy hearted? is it all the responsibilities, fear, the need to sense achievements and results?
sometimes i just wish to be alone.. but i guess its impossible to get that.. in a business everything has to be done.. there's no time and allowance to stop or even pause and do some soul searching or reflection.. we just has to keep pushing ourselves no matter how we feel.. we cant be always playing with our emotions..
i've got to be stronger again.. with or without others motivation or support..
today i basically slept till noon got up then check on my rabbits and did some grooming and slight gardening.. but these alone took up my whole afternoon already.. -.-".. and i was still quite tired.. so after that just had dinner and slept awhile.. when out for run at around 11pm with 2 guys.. the run earlier suppose to make me feel better.. but stupid people have to rack up my shit past which i never wanted to hear or know about again.. it just basically spoils my night..
i need something to get away from all these............
why should i care about what others feel about me and how i would feel for if i were them? why cant i just be selfish and do whatever that's beneficial for myself? i must live for myself.... and whatever that makes me happy and good for my well being!
in life everyone has got a choice to make on their own accord and responsible for it. but that doesn't mean people beside them wont play an influencing role.
a lot happened recently. but it just add up to each event.. i no longer feel like ranting out because its just feel kinda pointless sometimes.. im just too tired to care seriously...
what happened tonight made me reflected on many things.. why do i give up whats important to me? in the end im just the one loosing out.. that's it man...
i have to keep to my rules and my own principles not go by others expectations and constraint myself.. i believe i deserve more then what im living through nowadays.. it feels exactly like before..
i'll work using my own ways now and i'll fight for my own ways.. no more giving in and complying...
no longer waiting for you to order me around like u wish and need.. doesn't answer phone doesn't mean the person is not responsible in his own ways.. you can say whatever u like...
put in so much effort to think and try to execute plan but people also wont appreciate.. haha.. nevermind =)
im going to live my own part of my life from today onwards..
time to party tomorrow!! before the week of mugging~~ will plan my time from now on
