haven even blogged for a full going 4 months..
i would say.. its been a hell of a year for me.. a BAD one..
it started with me having sever gastric issues on the first day of 2012.. and it lasted throughout for almost 1month+ the worst pain i've ever experienced and well i still have to do my part for the business.. i still forced myself to drive when there wasn't any replacement.. almost went to the hospital.. anyway right after that when i felt better i had wisdom tooth infection which resulted in me going for a surgery to remove all 4 of my wisdom tooth.. i regret not taking it out during army days man... at least its free and got free MC somemore.. sighs.. this surgery cost $2k+ sia!!
as for business.. this year has been hectic.. i dont even have any time at all for myself and not say to even pat my own pets.. im practically drained everyday.. and the work load is forever never ending and never reducing.. because there is no system in place.. basically things are like going first come first serve kinda crap.. which isnt helpful to us at all.. we just keep clearing orders without opening up new roads for ourselves.. things will never get better when the root problem is always there... cutting the leaves and branches wont stop the tree from growing..
i've given up discussing with you.. because we cant communicate at all.. i dont feel that its my fault and so do you.. its really sickening..
when im drove beyond tiredness many times i really feel like blowing up.. just because im not outspoken or firm doesn't mean you can always step over my head..
i feel really pointless sometimes.. i practically drive and drive only.. my own tasks and ideas are always undone and not carried out..
you think people don't appreciate you.. but what have you exactly given up or sacrificed ?
you like to make everyone do things the way u want it to be, you like to be the leading one.. u urself know it and i dont have to say much on that.. when people say one thing u will always have many things to counter about it to prove your point or not.. in the long run i also dont feel like saying anymore..
things u do are so hard to feel and understand that it's for the benefit for others or that you are doing for the sake of them.. becos since when would u suggest to eat something u hate or dislike just to adapt or give in? when did you ever say u would like to eat even if u're so dam bloated? but when u open ur mouth all u expect is for people to understand what u need right away and give in to your needs..
seriously sometimes i ask myself.. when u said i never appreciated what you done for me.. what exactly are they? what did you do really for me? and if u ever spare a thought for others feeling then you would at least stop smsing certain people infront of others and remove that dam DP...
sometimes i wonder why i restrict myself.. why should i give in so much? or why should i even care? why when u want to eat u have to make sure i also have to eat.. and when i want to eat u can always say u're full or watever.. have you ever thought of how u urself react when others ask the same of u?
sometimes it really make me feel like im your puppet.. when have you really tried understanding me whether im happy whether i need a listening ear or whatever.. all you ever do is fight back on what i comment about you and prove me wrong even if im right.. or changing topics.. you will never listen..
sometimes i feel so lonely inside until its like i've no one to share at all.. its pathetic when u see a person almost everyday but u feel that u cant even share out ur sadness and sorrows because this person will never give you the support and understanding you require..
there are many things which u just simply close ur eyes and dont want to care about.. even if you know whats going on.. its obvious becos there are things where you can clearly see so well even if its not right infront of u.. but things which are right infront of u, u just ignore it day by day.. as long as things continue to run smoothly u wont want to care...
i feel sad for myself.....
if this is a game to u.. yeah u've successful turn me into an unhappy person.. and reap off my future..
seriously sometimes i feel like i should break off from these chains..
i've lost my trust and faith in you.. and unable to communicate with u anymore..
